Why the way you talk to your child matters

The power of words

Children learn from their environment and the people around them from the beginning. Using positive and kind words helps them feel safe and cared for, fostering a sense of security and contributing to their confidence.

For example, your child is more likely to respond positively when you say, "I believe in you. I know you can do it" instead of "This was expected. You always make mistakes". The former will make your child feel like a superhero - motivated and empowered. But the latter can make him/her feel unsure and chip away at his/her confidence.

The use of positive language

Remember to speak kindly and use positive words. This shows kindness and makes your child feel good inside. Yelling and being harsh can increase your child's anxiety and insecurity, making them scared to attempt new things.

Experts also recommend taking every opportunity to educate your child and help them learn from their mistakes. Your child will respond better to this approach than living in fear of punishment. This will also promote better communication and trust between you and your child.

For instance, if your child accidentally breaks something, saying, "It's okay, accidents happen" can help them feel better. It teaches them that making mistakes is normal, which can boost their confidence when trying new things and learning from experiences.

Punishment versus positive disciplining

Positive discipline is a valuable tool for guiding your child's behaviours. It involves teaching rather than instilling fear. It's important to set clear boundaries with explanations and provide consequences that help children learn.

For example, instead of saying, "If you don't clean the mess you made, you cannot go out and play" try a more positive approach like "Please put away your toys so that they don’t break, and someone does not trip over them. After you put away your toys you can go outside to play". This way, your child will learn the importance of tidying up after themselves and understand the connection between their actions and the positive outcome of their efforts.

A few non-violent disciplining techniques for parents and caregivers

• Try ignoring your child’s behaviour that’s causing the most problems to discourage it. Likewise, praise good behaviours.
• Sit down with your child and explain to them the natural consequences of their actions, such as breaking something if not handled carefully.
• Explain the logical implications of your child’s bad behaviours, such as letting them know they will lose privileges if they misbehave or go into time-outs.

Learn more about disciplining your child the smart and healthy way.

Recognising and managing emotions

It's crucial that you help your child develop the skills to understand and manage their emotions as they grow up. Developing emotional intelligence will help them deal with different life situations and teach them about empathy.

When you acknowledge your child's feelings, you give them a tool to handle emotions. For example, if your child is frustrated because they find something too tricky, saying, "I see that you are feeling frustrated," shows your child that it's okay to feel that way.

Creating a safe environment

Speaking calmly and gently with your child makes it easier for them to share their thoughts and feelings. Imagine this: Your child is upset about something. What will you do?

• Option A: Will you ignore them and dismiss their feelings with "It's not a big deal, stop being upset," or
• Option B: will you sit down, look them in the eye and say, "I see that something is troubling you. Do you want to talk about it?"

Option B is recommended by experts as it shows that your child's emotions matter. Actively listening to your child strengthens your bond, builds trust, and gives your child effective communication skills. 

Here are some dos and don'ts for effective communication with your child:

Do's

• Remember to praise good behaviour
• Actively listen with eye contact
• Speak respectfully, calmly, and clearly
• Try to see things from your child's point of view
• Use words your child will understand
• Use positive body language and take verbal cues
• Role model good communication including apologies, which means that you as the adult also apologise to your child
• Set aside time to communicate as a family.

Don'ts

• Do not use negative labels or name-calling. Instead, communicate with respect and kindness.
• Avoid criticizing, lecturing, or using harsh words.
• Listen to your child without interrupting or dismissing their feelings.
• Refrain from using language or actions that promote gender stereotypes about how boys and girls 'should' talk.

Remember, your words, as a parent or caregiver, have a powerful impact on your child's self-talk and communication with others.