Coping with and supporting your children during challenging times

Caring for yourself during an emergency

Taking care of yourself during an emergency is crucial. Remember, by looking after your own well-being, you'll be better equipped to support your children and others around you.

1. What Might You Be Experiencing?

• Upset or angry more than usual, with sudden mood changes.
• Nervousness, worry, or feeling overwhelmed.
• Sadness, grief, hopelessness, and loss of interest in daily activities.
• Intrusive thoughts and memories of recent events; causing physical reactions like a rapid heartbeat or sweating.
• Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or experiencing disrupted sleep and eating patterns.

These are all very normal feelings during such times, Be kind to yourself and remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE

2. What Can You Do to Help Yourself?

• Be Patient with Yourself: Remember, you don’t have to be a perfect caregiver every day. Support your child's basic needs and be kind to yourself.
• Recognize the Challenge and Acknowledge Your Strengths: Acknowledge the challenging time, but remember past hardships you've tackled. Recognize you’re not alone in your experiences and feelings.
• Mourn Losses: Allow yourself and those around you to mourn any losses experienced.
• Accept Help: Support each other and accept help from friends, relatives, and helpers.
• Connect with Loved Ones: Stay connected with loved ones as often as you can.
• Stay Hopeful: Maintain a hopeful and positive outlook to help children around you have hope for the future.
• Look After Yourself: Try to rest and look after yourself as much as possible.
• Share Responsibilities: If there are other trusted adults around, share childcare responsibilities to get some rest.
• Maintain Routines: Keep regular meal times and bedtimes as routines can help children feel safe.
• Spiritual, Religious, or Cultural Activities: Maintain any activities that bring you comfort.
• Avoid Negative Coping Behaviours: Avoid drinking too much alcohol or other negative coping behaviours.

2. Create a Safe Environment

• Monitor Activities: If it is safe for your child to go out to play, ensure they let you know where they are going and when they will be back. Where possible, Do not let them go out alone
• Childproof the Home: Ensure your home is a safe space where children can move around freely without risks.

Take Your Children's Concerns Seriously: If your children tell you that they are being harmed in any way, believe them and try to understand their concerns.

3. Provide Emotional and Psychological Safety

• Reassure Continuously: Regularly reassure your children of their safety and that you are doing everything possible to keep them safe.
• Maintain Routines: Keeping regular routines helps children feel secure.
• Positive Interaction: Show children that you care by being affectionate, smiling, telling them you love them, and giving them hugs or holding their hands.
• Praise and Appreciation: Praise your child for how they are coping and when they have done something good or helpful, no matter how small.

2. Use Developmentally Appropriate Responses

• Honest and Simple Answers: Answer questions honestly and simple
• For Younger Children (Under 10): Keep explanations short and simple. Use clear and calm language. For example, "There are some people outside who are upset and they are making noise. We are safe here at home."
• For Older Children and Teenagers: Provide more detailed information and answer their questions more thoroughly. For example, "There are protests happening because people are upset about certain things. It’s important to stay safe and know what’s happening around us."
• Avoid Extreme Emotional Language: Stick to the facts and avoid using extreme emotional language.
• Be Aware of Your Child's Reactions: Pay attention to how your child is reacting and adjust your responses accordingly.

Supporting your children’s emotional and psychological wellbeing

1. Care, Praise, and Appreciation

Show Affection: Show your children that you care through affection, smiles, and hugs.
Praise: Acknowledge and praise your child for how they are coping and for their helpful actions, no matter how small.

2. Listen to Your Kids

Safe Space for Questions: Let them know it’s okay to ask questions and you are a safe person to talk to.

Encourage Expression: Encourage them to express their thoughts, questions, and feelings. It’s okay to cry and feel uncomfortable.

Label Emotions: Help them label their emotions. 

For example, "I hear that you are feeling angry/scared/frustrated. It’s completely normal to feel that way. I feel angry/scared/frustrated, too."

Model Behavior: Demonstrate the behaviors you want to see, like speaking kindly and acting calmly.
 

3. Reassure Your Children that They Are Safe

• Safety Assurance: Reassure your children that they are safe and that their family/friends are safe.

4. Maintain Routine and Structure

• Establish Routines: Try to maintain everyday routines, such as bedtimes, regular meal times, and other daily activities.
• Predictable Activities: Sit together, tell stories, draw, or sing songs at the same time every day to establish a predictable routine. Knowing what to expect can help children feel safer and more secure.

5. Encourage Play and Exercise

• Promote Play: Encourage your child to play with you, their siblings, or other children. Play is important in helping children learn, build concentration, and manage stress.
• Incorporate Exercise: Engage in physical activities together to improve mental and physical well-being. This can be done even in small spaces, like jumping or running in circles.

6. Emotional Validation and Expression

• Acknowledge Their Feelings: Ask how they are feeling and acknowledge their experiences. For example, "I can see that this is really hard for you," or "It seems like you are feeling worried."
• Normalize Emotions: Help them understand that it is normal to feel sad, angry, or cry. Let them know that you also have strong feelings sometimes and show them how you manage those feelings.

7. Quality Time and Connection

• Give Attention: Spend a few moments giving each child your full attention, making eye contact, and actively listening to them.
• Talk About Various Topics: Engage in conversations about different subjects, not just distressing events. Share positive experiences and stories to provide comfort and hope.

8. Promote Helping Others

• Encourage Helping Activities: Support your children in helping others, which can give them a sense of power and self-worth. This could be through small acts like helping with household chores or participating in community activities.

9. Monitor and Limit Media Exposure

• Control Media Exposure: Be mindful of what your children are watching and reading, and limit their exposure to distressing news and social media content.
• Engage with Media Together: If your children are curious, watch or read the news together and discuss it to help them understand and process the information.