Teens and body image

Relationships with our bodies are complicated at any point in life, but they are especially difficult for growing adolescents and teens. We spoke with Dr. Lisa Damour, psychologist, author and mom about supporting your child as they navigate their feelings around their changing bodies.

What is body image? 

Dr. Damour: “Body image” is about how we see ourselves and feel about our bodies, and how we think others see us. Body image starts to form when we are young, and it evolves as we grow up, and are influenced by those around us and what we see. For teens, feelings about their shape, size and how they look can have a powerful impact on self-confidence and self-esteem. While it’s perfectly natural for teens to have mixed feelings about their bodies, some may struggle with an unhealthy body image.

For teens, feelings about their shape, size and how they look can have a powerful impact on self-confidence and self-esteem.

What is an unhealthy body image?

Dr. Damour: An unhealthy body image happens when a teen feels stuck in negative thoughts about their appearance. They might feel really critical about what they see in the mirror, even to the point where it undermines their whole sense of self. Unfortunately, having an unhealthy body image can affect how teenagers care for themselves. And though we have traditionally seen unhealthy body image being a problem that primarily affects girls, more and more boys are becoming preoccupied with building muscle or going out of their way to lose body fat. If your teen seems deeply uncomfortable with their body in a way that’s impacting their everyday life, that could be a sign they’re struggling with an unhealthy body image.

Body image concerns aren’t just about weight. They also arise anytime a young person has feelings about their outward appearance that raise questions for them about their overall value or worth. For example, young people often compare how they look to people they see on social media or even images put up by their friends. That's a natural part of growing up, if an uncomfortable one, but we should be concerned if these comparisons cause young people to feel like their overall value hinges on their appearance. We should be concerned if young people go out of their way to hide how their body looks because they feel ashamed about it. For example, if a young person feels so uneasy about birthmarks or surgery scars or acne that they don't even want to leave the home, that is without question grounds for concern.

[We] don't want young people to be spending too much time attending to their “containers” when what's really important are their “contents”.

What are the effects of unhealthy body image?

Dr. Damour: Having an unhealthy body image can lead to a lot of challenges for young people. First, they may just feel bad about themselves, often if not all the time for the way they look. Another concern that can arise for young people who have an unhealthy body image is that a disproportionate amount of their time can be spent worrying about or working on their appearance. While it's wonderful to be fit and to exercise, and it can be enjoyable to try on different outfits and experiment with makeup, we don't want young people to be spending too much time attending to their “containers” when what's really important are their “contents”.

And of course, it's time to be concerned about body image if a young person stops taking good care of themselves in terms of how they eat, how they exercise or how they treat their body in any way.

What can cause unhealthy body image?

Dr. Damour: Struggling with body image can happen at any time, but it’s more common during puberty. That’s because during puberty your body releases hormones that make you more aware of how you look and of other people’s bodies. It’s a time when your body may have sudden growth spurts, sometimes before or after, those around you. These changes happen to everyone, but they can make you feel anxious or out of control.

For today’s adolescents and teens, social media plays a powerful role in shaping body image. They are immersed in a world where image-based social media platforms can flood their feed with pictures and videos of ultra-fit or ultra-thin bodies. Seeing hundreds of these images can shift their understanding of how bodies are “supposed” to look, making it hard for them to appreciate their own unique and natural appearance.

There are other factors around young people that can contribute to an unhealthy body image. This can include looking at media that almost exclusively features extremely fit or thin bodies. And then of course, we want to be mindful of what we call diet culture and how often young people are exposed to marketing that promote products that help with weight loss or that are offering diets that come with the promise of helping people achieve an idealized image.

There's also the problem that sometimes adults unwittingly make things worse. This may be in terms of talking in a disparaging tone about their own weight or shape, in a lesson at school that puts a heavy emphasis on being fit, or even adults commenting on a young person's appearance or weight, suggesting maybe that their body should look different than it does.

What signs should parents look out that their teen might be struggling with body image?

Dr. Damour: Start by keeping an eye out for signs that your teen might be feeling unhappy with their body. Notice if they’re eating in a different way, avoiding certain foods, seeking out supplements or protein powders, skipping meals, or getting caught up in diet or exercise trends. Other hints that your teen is struggling with body image include worrying about what they weigh, criticizing their own looks, or refusing to participate in social events that might get in the way of their exercise schedule. If you see any of these signs, it’s time to say, “I notice that your worries about your body are taking up a lot of time and energy. Let’s talk about what’s going on.”

> Read: When to help your teen find mental health support

Taking a warm, understanding approach to conversations about how teens feel about their bodies can make a big difference.

How can parents help support a healthy body image?

Dr. Damour: To support a healthy body image, start by modeling acceptance and respect for your own body and those around you. Not complaining about how you feel about your own body – even on days when you don’t feel great about it – or criticizing others can go a long way toward helping your teen feel good about themselves.

Encourage your teen to focus on what they like about who they are, not just how they look. If you're not sure what to say, try writing a list together of their many strengths. They can keep this list as a concrete reminder of how valuable and worthy they are, regardless of how they look.

Have open conversations about media and help them understand that a lot of what they see online is not natural and not a fair comparison. Help them find social media accounts to follow that celebrate diversity. 

Social media 'reset': If the algorithm on your teen's social media platform is constantly featuring weight-loss or body-image content, explore with them ways to ‘reset’ their social media feed. In addition to following new accounts, identify some accounts to unfollow and use the tools available on each platform that can help. For example, refreshing recommendation feeds, clearing watch or search history, marking posts as ‘Not Interested,’ or using settings that limit sensitive content.

Encourage them to enjoy physical activities for how they make them feel – strong, capable, and happy – not just for how they might change their appearance.

If you think their feelings around body image are becoming a central focus, check in with a medical health professional for guidance.

Here's the good news: Taking a warm, understanding approach to conversations about how teens feel about their bodies can make a big difference. Showing empathy for where your teen is coming from and having open, honest conversations about body image while celebrating the diversity we see around us can go a long way toward helping your teen to feel comfortable in their own skin. 

> Watch: 3 ways to help get your teen to open up