3 phrases to support upset teens
Where to start when your teen needs emotional support.
It can be difficult to know where to start when your teen is upset. Dr. Lisa Damour, psychologist, author and mom shares 3 phrases that can really help give your teen the emotional support they need.
Watch the video or read the tips below.
Watch more quick tip videos from Dr. Lisa Damour on ways to support your teen.
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3 phrases to support upset teens
When our teens are upset, we often feel upset, too.
We love our kids, hate to see them in distress and can't always fix what's wrong.
I’m Dr. Lisa Damour, psychologist, author and mom.
Luckily, there are three reliable phrases you can turn to when your teen needs emotional support.
1. “Do you want my help or do you just need to vent?”
This is almost always a great place to start when a teen is upset.
Sometimes teens do want our advice and asking their permission to offer it usually makes them more open to our suggestions.
Most of the time, adolescents just want to talk about what's bothering them or use physical activity to get their feelings out.
Knowing just what your teenager is looking for will help you feel more comfortable providing the valuable support of just listening or encouraging your child to blow off steam by playing sports or going for a run.
2. “Of course you're upset. Anyone in your shoes would be.”
The changes in the brain that happen during the teenage years increase the intensity of emotions. When teens are upset, they are sometimes shaken by the new strength of their feelings.
They can wonder if they're having the ‘right’ reaction or instead if something is ‘wrong’ with them. Teens welcome and appreciate the reassurance from adults that their feelings do make sense, even if those feelings are stronger than they were in the past.
3. “Is there anything I can do that won't make things worse?”
Saying this phrase to your upset teenager makes it clear that you are eager
to be supportive. That you are aware that your idea about what might be helpful won't always fit with what your teenager has in mind.
And perhaps most important, that you can accept that your teenager is distressed and don't feel compelled to try to fix the problem for them. Seeing that we can withstand a teen's painful emotions helps teens to feel more confident that they can withstand those emotions too.
Here's to you, your teen and to being there with just the support they're looking for.
Dr. Lisa Damour is a psychologist, author, New York Times contributor and mother of two.
