“A father is as important as a mother”

The lives of Augusto and Luidmila were deeply and radically transformed 19 months ago when they welcomed their babies Alexandra and Sebastián. “I guess you start being a father even before your kids are born, and you never stop being one, you are always striving to be the father they need at every moment”, says Augusto, just a few days before celebrating Father’s Day.

 “That is what being a father is about”, he adds. “Being a father from the beginning is being a father from the moment you think about having children, is preparing yourself as a human being”. “It is a responsibility, there is no fatherhood without responsibility”.

 “In my opinion, we both have responsibilities”, he explains from his experience as a father of twin babies. “My wife, my family and I complement one another and manage our time so they are always looked after”.

In this sense, Liudmila and Augusto have organized their work schedules with their babies in mind, in order to tend to their development and needs at all times. “Each one of us has a different job, with different responsibilities; we’ve analysed how we could balance our desire to be with the children without neglecting our work responsibilities and rights”. Once Liudmila’s maternity leave ended, Augusto took over childcare full time. “It is a lot of work with twins. Sleeping is not really their thing”, he says about the upbringing process carried out jointly with his wife.

However, “it has been a beautiful experience, it is amazing to see the differences between your children and have so much love for two people who are so different. It is very enriching to see that each one of them has different personalities and ways of expressing themselves. You cannot treat them both the same way and expect the same reaction. You have to learn from them, know who they are, what they want, how they want it…It is a lovely process”

Augusto has no advice to give to other fathers. In his opinion the most important thing is “to have the need to be with them, to love them all the time, even when you feel very tired or sick. Even in those circumstances, a cry can make your day better. Your children will always be there, they will need you. If there is anything to advise I would say ‘enjoy them’. It is a beautiful thing”, he adds.

In a context marked by the new coronavirus, Liudmila and Augusto are reinventing their lifestyle. Since all schools and educational institutions have closed to prevent the spread of the disease, Alexandra and Sebastián spend all their time at home. From there, mom and dad have to meet their professional responsibilities and everyday household demands. “How do you do that? Well, step by step and putting a lot of heart into it”, Augusto says. “As adults, we feel the need to go outside, the lockdown generates stress. But how do you avoid transferring that stress to your children? After all they also want to go out, but as long as they are entertained at home, they will be fine”.  

The strategies to avoid stress or anxiety are based on the distribution of time. “We do not really follow routines, except for the time of meals. Now that Liudmila and I are staying at home because of the social distancing measures, we are taking the opportunity to meet their needs: when they want to play, we play with them; when they want to listen to music, we play some music… this helps us to have more communication with them and know what they want at every moment”.

One of the most pressing issues that has marked the social distancing period is what work overload work may mean for some members of the family, especially for women. In this sense, distributing responsibilities like childcare is essential.

In this regard, Augusto states categorically that they “share everything. There are only few things one does and the other doesn’t. “I usually give the children a bath while my wife prepares their dinner. I am however, the one who cooks our dinner. It is interesting, our roles with the children are different to our roles as a couple”.