Supporting your child's mental health
Laying the foundations for a happy and healthy life
Your child looks to you for love, learning and safety. Try to spend as much quality time together as possible. Fostering a warm and tender relationship, and helping your child feel safe and cared for, go a long way to laying the groundwork for a lifetime of good mental health.
Babies
From the first smile and first step to experiencing a whole range of emotions, your child is passing many important childhood milestones.
This is a time of growth and learning and an ideal time to start supporting your child’s mental well-being.
Spending quality time with your child is good for both of you. It even releases natural hormones that help you bond with your baby and enhance well-being for both of you!
- Play with them, cuddle them.
- Talk to them, sing to them.
- Respond to their sounds with words so they can begin to understand language and communication.
What to avoid:
- Any form of violence, including shouting and hitting. When a child lives in a negative environment it can cause “toxic stress” – harming the child’s growth and development – as well as long term problems in later life.
- Frequent arguments between parents and people around the child. Tension in the environment can be stressful for children – they may feel neglected, powerless and vulnerable.
- Any form of neglect. Children need consistent attention, love and care for their healthy growth and development.
Young children are learning how to express themselves and manage big emotions. This can sometimes cause anger or stress when they cannot communicate their needs. When children feel stressed or overwhelmed, they need a loving adult to help reassure them and help them to navigate their feelings.
Signs of distress in children from 0-3 years
- Clinging to their caregivers more than normal
- Regressing to former (younger) behaviors
- Changes in sleeping and eating patterns
- Higher irritability
- Increased hyperactivity
- More afraid of things
- More demanding
- More frequent crying
Toddlers
As your child starts to move around more, their desire to explore is increasing. This curiosity needs nurturing and encouragement.
- Read to your child (every day if you can).
- Play games that engage their curiosity and learning.
- Ask your child to name things – start with their name and objects around them, keep it simple.
- Explore the surroundings outside your home together.
What to avoid:
- Any form of violence, including shouting and hitting. When a child lives in a negative environment it can cause “toxic stress” – harming the child’s growth and development – as well as long term problems in later life.
- Frequent arguments between parents and people around the child. Tension in the environment can be stressful for children – they may feel neglected, powerless and vulnerable.
- Any form of neglect. Children need consistent attention, love and care for their healthy growth and development.
Young children are learning how to express themselves and manage big emotions. This can sometimes cause anger or stress when they cannot communicate their needs. When children feel stressed or overwhelmed, they need a loving adult to help reassure them and help them to navigate their feelings.
0-3 years
- Clinging to their caregivers more than normal
- Regressing to former (younger) behaviors
- Changes in sleeping and eating patterns
- Higher irritability
- Increased hyperactivity
- More afraid of things
- More demanding
- More frequent crying
Pre-schoolers
As your child grows more independent and curious, they will want to explore the world outside and learn about the things around them. Interactions with people will help them develop their own ways of thinking and understand the world around them.
- Encourage social interaction through play with other children.
- Invite them to help you with simple age-appropriate chores. Guide them through steps to solve simple problems.
- Set clear boundaries and realistic expectations. Follow up ‘No’ with alternatives for what you would prefer them to do instead.
- Provide them with clear choices that are easy for them to understand when making decisions on what to eat, wear or play.
What to avoid:
- Any form of violence, including shouting and hitting. When a child lives in a negative environment it can cause “toxic stress” – harming the child’s growth and development – as well as long term problems in later life.
- Frequent arguments between parents and people around the child. Tension in the environment can be stressful for children – they may feel neglected, powerless and vulnerable.
- Any form of neglect. Children need consistent attention, love and care for their healthy growth and development.
Signs of distress in children 4 - 6 years:
- Clinging to adults
- Regressing to former (younger) behaviors
- Changes in sleeping and eating patterns
- Higher irritability
- Poorer concentration
- Becoming more Inactive or more hyperactive
- Stop playing
- Take on adult roles
- Stop talking
- More anxious or worried
Children
Starting school brings children face-to-face with the outside world and is a major life event!
It is a critical time for children to develop confidence in all areas of life, such as navigating relationships, learning at school and sports, and managing their emotions. Checking in on how they’re doing and supporting them along the way can help them foster resilience and mental well-being.
As your child starts school, their physical, mental and social skills are developing rapidly. They are learning to describe experiences and talk more about their emotions.
Friendships and peer pressure start becoming more important as they shift their focus from home to the world outside.
By spending more time outside home, your child is gaining a sense of responsibility and learning to be independent.
Some older children will start to go through puberty and will show physical changes, as well as emotional ones.
How to start the conversation
- Start by asking how they’re doing. Talk to your child about school, friends, the things they like and dislike doing and what they find difficult.
- Use everyday events that cause positive and negative emotions – like winning at sports or scoring low grades – to check in on how your child feels and to forge a strong bond with them.
- As they get older, and if appropriate to your child’s development, talk about the normal physical and emotional changes of puberty and help them to know what to expect. Check in on how they’re feeling, if they have any worries or questions you can talk through together.
Maintain an open, trusting and loving environment
Help your child feel comfortable about opening up to you.
- Your child wants to be liked and accepted by people around them. Being accepted by you is the first step toward building confidence.
- Be mindful of the examples you set. Your child looks to you and picks up on your emotions and how you respond to different situations.
- Recognize their accomplishments and good behaviour. Praise them by focusing on their actions (“you worked hard on this and it really shows!”) rather than them as a person (“Oh, you’re smart!”).
7 - 12 years
- Becoming withdrawn
- Frequent concern about others affected
- Changes in sleeping and eating patterns
- Increasingly fearful
- Higher irritability
- Frequent aggression
- Restlessness
- Poor memory and concentration
- Physical symptoms/ psychosomatic
- Frequently talks about the event or repetitive play
- Feels guilty or blames themselves
Pre-teens
Rapid physical changes combined with concerns about their appearance and the importance of friendships can affect a child’s mental and emotional well-being. It can be a challenging time for children as they navigate this important stage of development. Knowing that they can talk to you about their worries or problems can make a world of difference.
Listen: Actively try to listen to what they are saying without letting your thoughts and judgement guide the conversation. Respect and encourage your child’s opinion.
Acknowledge: Assure them that you understand their thoughts and feelings, encourage them to be open with you and reassure that you are there for them. Remind them that you were this age once too and remember experiencing the same feelings.
Offer solutions: Ask them if they have thought about what might need to change – “What do you think should be done?” If they haven’t, offer to listen and talk it through with them. Support them with what they need to feel better.
- Tell them what they should do. Instead, ask how you can help them.
- Dismiss or minimize their feelings. Remember, it is hard to open up about feelings which may be confusing for the child.
- Argue. Observe your own thoughts and feelings and watch out for conflict. Try and resolve any conflicts or arguments as soon as possible if this happens, apologize and start again.
- Blame others. Saying “This is your school’s fault!” for example, externalizes the problem but does not solve it.
- Compare. Avoid saying things like “Other children don’t have these issues.”
Children at this age can
- Experience moodiness – going back and forth between highs and lows.
- Feel burdened by schoolwork.
- Develop eating problems/concerns.
- Feel sad or anxious which can lead to lack of confidence, low self-esteem and other issues depending on the child.
How to start the conversation
- Make the time and space to start the conversation without any pressure or expectations.
- Consider a time like while doing chores, cooking or while travelling together.
- Let the conversation flow naturally – be conversational rather than ‘questioning’.
- Be sensitive to their mood – if they are having a bad day or are busy, choose a different time.
Open, honest and direct communication
If you notice changes in your child’s mood or behaviour, gently let them know you’ve noticed and ask if they would like to talk about it. For example:
- They don’t seem as sociable with their friends as before – did they have an argument?
- Their school grades go down – is there a particular subject they’re struggling with?
- They appear to have become moodier, sadder or quieter – is there something on their mind?
Signs of distress in children 7 - 12 years
- Becoming withdrawn
- Frequent concern about others affected
- Changes in sleeping and eating patterns
- Increasingly fearful
- Higher irritability
- Frequent aggression
- Restlessness
- Poor memory and concentration
- Physical symptoms/ psychosomatic
- Frequently talks about the event or repetitive play
- Feels guilty or blames themselves
Teenagers
In this time of growth into adulthood, your teen is developing a unique personality and is looking for more independence and responsibility.
Teenagers increasingly interact with others through social media and mobile phones. As a result, they may spend less time with family and more time with friends, both online and outside the home.
This is also a time of physical changes for both girls and boys.
- Recognize the good along with the bad and praise them for achievements, even small ones. This stage of development is also a time for creativity and personal growth – identify instances of this with your teen.
- The world feels unpredictable to your teen and they might be struggling to feel in control. Tell them you understand this.
- Check in on their online media and social habits. Talk to your teen about the time they spend online, and staying safe from harassment and bullying online. Reassure them that if they are in trouble, or have made a mistake online, you are there for them and can help them no matter what.
- Be open about your own feelings. Showing them how you deal with stress can be an example for them and talk about how you dealt with problems when you were this age.
- Take over the discussion and tell them what to do. Ask what you can do to help and work with them to find solutions.
- Have a discussion when you are angry. Walk away, take a breath and calm down – you can continue the conversation later.
- Engage in power struggles. Rather than arguing, try to empathize with your teen on their frustrations.
Teens can experience
- Rapid physical changes which can lead to concerns about body size, shape or weight.
- Eating problems or concerns.
- Heightened moodiness and social anxiety.
- Sadness or depression, which can lead to low self-esteem or other problems.
More than just feeling blue
- Poor mental health in adolescence can go hand-in-hand with other health and behavioural risks, including alcohol or drug use, violent behaviour and unsafe sex.
- Because many health behaviours and habits carry over from adolescence into adult years, it is very important to support teens in choosing healthy practices that assist their well-being.
“How are you doing?
You might be getting on well with your teen, or you might be experiencing challenges. Wherever your relationship currently is, it’s important to show that you are always there to help your teen through any tough times with love and support.
How to start the conversation
- Ask them about their day – try to create occasions for a chat like cooking dinner together.
- Ask open-ended, clarifying questions to understand how they feel. You could try “Could you explain what you mean by…” or “How do you think you would have felt if…”
- Ask about their opinions and even share your own so that you can understand each other better.
If you are concerned self harm may be an issue, gently raise the subject and try to find out if your teen has ever had thoughts of this.
It can help to start by asking about others rather than them, for example, “Some people your age harm themselves, have you ever heard of people doing this from your friends?”.
Reassure them that you are always there for them, for example, “you know you can always talk to me about anything”. This will let them know that they can speak to you, and that you want to help them.
Signs of distress in children 13 - 17 years:
- Intense grief
- Shows excessive concern for others
- Feelings of guilt and shame
- Increasingly defiant of authority
- Increased risk taking
- Aggression
- Self-destructive
- Feeling hopeless
How parents can support their children
Adults’ reactions can affect how children react in upsetting situations. Parents can help and support their children by giving them enough space and time to listen to their concerns, being calm and stable, and being attentive to their needs and feelings.
- Give them time and attention.
- Help them maintain routine and healthy habits.
- Provide clear explanations.
- Be mindful of your own emotions.
- Allow children to feel sad.
- Listen without judgment.
- Discuss their challenges.
- Encourage them to return to normal activities.
Sometimes it is enough to just let children know that you are there for them, that you understand their needs, and that you are here to hear what they have to say.
Routine and regular habits are important because they provide a sense of continuity, stability, and security. Support your children in continuing activities that brings structure to their daily lives even in times of stress.
Children often struggle to comprehend events on their own, including understanding the consequences and any future implications. It is crucial to inform them and offer a clear, understandable explanation of what has happened and what is currently happening. It might also require explaining how it has made you feel.
Expressing your feelings openly, can demonstrate to children that it is acceptable to show a range of emotions during challenging times, including sadness, anger, fear, or confusion. Ensure your emotions are moderated and carefully explain your reactions, so children do not feel responsible for them.
Expressing sadness is a natural and essential part of coping with stress. Avoid telling children to “be brave” or “not cry.” Instead, let them express their emotions in the way that feels most comfortable for.
Children need to express their thoughts and fears without worrying about being judged or dismissed. Allow them to express themselves in the way that feels most comfortable to them.
Your life experience and knowledge are invaluable to children. Your trust and understanding are crucial in helping them navigate difficult situations and reducing any negative consequences.
Motivate them to continue participating in daily family responsibilities to help them feel useful and valued. This will contribute to maintaining a sense of normalcy and continuity within the family.
Be mindful that you may also experience negative reactions to the disturbing event. Take proactive steps to protect yourself and prioritize your mental and physical health.
