Sibling love in times of loss

Like many girls her age, 7-year-old Afiqa is shy and a little withdrawn, especially around strangers. Since COVID-19 claimed her mother’s life a few months ago, the light has gone out of her eyes. It took some time — and a set of play dough — to draw her out of her shell, revealing her curious side and deftness at shape-making.

The days, however, are still mostly tough on her. After returning from school — which only resumed in-person classes a few months ago — she often retreats and spends long hours watching family videos with her mother’s voice.

“She even forbids us from deleting a video of her mother’s last hours of life,” says Afiqa’s father Eko, who works as a parking attendant at a nearby restaurant where his late wife also worked.

At 14, Afiqa’s older sister Keysha is preternaturally wise and thoughtful. She is as eloquent speaking about the circumstances leading to her mother’s death as she is about assuming more responsibility in caring for her two younger sisters. Having witnessed her parents’ hardship during the pandemic, she believes that people should be vaccinated against COVID-19.

“Our mother worked 12-hour days when the restaurant opened for business again,” Keysha says. “Her immune system was weak, that’s probably why she got COVID.”

Aware of her father’s struggle as the family’s sole breadwinner, Keysha plans to enrol in an SMK (vocational school) so she can get a job faster and help her father. “What’s important is that I’m already vaccinated,” she says. “I can do anything — perhaps even go to university one day,”

This heightened sense of responsibility is also felt by 16-year-old Bagus. After both his parents died of COVID-19 only a few weeks apart, he and his 7-year-old brother Fadlan went to live with their eldest sister Wiji, 25, her husband Ridwan, and their two daughters aged 1 and 3.

“Fadlan is very creative and forever making things with his hands,” says Bagus while pointing to the miniature trucks and vehicles his brother has assembled from everyday objects. “But he is very sensitive. He rarely speaks, not even to me. He keeps everything inside.”

According to Januri, the Ministry of Social Affairs-supported social worker who regularly comes to visit, Fadlan’s greatest fear is being taken away from his home. “He was very attached to his mother and losing his father so shortly afterwards was the final straw,” he says. “The last thing he needs is another change, another uncertainty.”

As the months go by, even as he still struggles with his own loss, Bagus feels he has to step up his caregiving role for Fadlan. “My sister already has her own family to look after,” he says. “We try not to be a burden.”

But to Wiji, who now sells fruits online, taking care of her two brothers is no burden at all. “Despite our age gaps, my brothers and I have always been close,” she says.

Ridwan, too, is pretty relaxed about his additional family members, though he makes no bones about his meagre and unsteady income from fixing lamps. Sometimes, he takes Bagus out with him to help on his daily rounds or lets Bagus help his uncle with his side business.

“But there are days when we have no income at all, and I worry that I won’t be able to provide for the entire family in the long term,” Ridwan says. “Thankfully everybody has been helping — the government, the social worker, our neighbours.”

Fadlan, Bagus, Afiqa, and Keysha are among the more than 30,000 children orphaned by COVID-19 in Indonesia so far identified by RapidPro, an open-source platform used by the Ministry of Women Empowerment and Child Protection. They are also among the children supported by UNICEF’s mental health and psychosocial support programme.

“It is hard to fathom the emotional challenges of losing a parent, especially for children – some of whom have lost both parents within a short period,” said Milen Kidane, UNICEF Indonesia Chief of Child Protection. “We know for certain from previous experiences that these children will require a range of support – possibly over many years.”

Apart from providing recreational kits with toys and supplies to families and connecting them with integrated child welfare services, one of UNICEF’s current priorities is to support social workers like Januri to carry out their work. With many orphaned children facing challenging circumstances, they will need to monitor the mental and physical health of children in their present living arrangements, as well as the continued ability of their family to care for them.

“Fadlan likes and trusts Pak Januri,” says Wiji with a broad smile. “That is important for us.”

How You Can Help

Thanks to the generous contributions of individual donors, UNICEF has been able to work with dedicated partners and social workers across Indonesia to identify children orphaned due to COVID-19, facilitate access to mental health and psychosocial services, and help ensure children remain in family-based care.

But the challenge is far from over, and a long-term, coordinated effort will be needed to protect these children as well as children who are already in institutions. For this we need your support.  

If you want to help support children in Indonesia who have lost one or both caregivers due to COVID-19, during and beyond the COVID-19 pandemic, please consider donating to UNICEF. We very much appreciate your contribution.