Forced to grow up before my time – my life as a girl in Za’atari refugee camp.

A refugee camp is a place that forces children to grow up before their time.

When I first came here, almost ten years ago, I remember the shock of seeing a place that looked so alien to me. Life was so difficult and it took me a long time for me to accept that this was my new reality.

On that very first day, I was astounded by the vast emptiness in front of me. It was just a barren land with no streets or buildings, just rows and rows of tents. I remember pitching our tent and receiving mattresses, blankets and kitchen items.

Even though I was relieved that we were finally safe, I felt that I had left my childhood behind me in Syria. The harsh environment we lived in and the responsibilities that I had were beyond anything that children with normal lives experience.

Over time, our living situation improved with the introduction of caravans to live in, water and electricity – even if we have less than we did back home in Syria.

Because my parents wanted to protect me, they didn’t allow me to go out except for school. They worried about me in a crowded camp full of strangers. Two years ago, I told my friend how bored I was one day and she asked me why I don’t go to the Makani centre with her? She explained how fun it was there and how important it was for her learning and happiness.

I sat down with my parents and explained that I wanted to go to Makani. They were worried at first but I convinced them to at least let me give it a try. When I told my friend they said yes, she was even more excited than I was to bring me there. It wasn’t until I started attending the centre that I understood why she was so happy for me. Makani is such a great place that offers us a chance to be children again.

For the first time, I felt that I was taking back part of the childhood I had lost when I became a refugee. Makani has made me the confident, skilled girl that I am today.

Something that Makani gave, and that was lacking in my life, was peace. Home and school are so loud and in Makani there was a silence I had missed. No one was telling me to be serious or putting pressure on me. I felt like I was a little girl back home in Syria, just a child again without any worries.

The main difference between school and Makani is that school only provides education. In Makani, we learn but there is also time for fun activities. For the first time in years, I was able to play. It felt amazing to run around the football field with the other girls. It made me determined to take full advantage of everything that the Makani had to offer. I did arts and crafts, football and volleyball.

It’s so wonderful to have a safe space to play without anyone looking at us or judging us. Being part of a sports team for the first time was an extraordinary feeling.  I felt like a prisoner tasting freedom again.

Being in Makani gave me a feeling that now I can speak up and express what’s really on my mind. I didn’t even know that I had so many feelings bottled up inside me that needed to get out. I had, for the first time in my life, a social network with many close friends, not just one.

My grades also started to improve because of the learning support classes in English, Arabic and Maths. This really boosted my confidence that I can complete my education and taught me that no matter how difficult something is, to work hard and never give up. Now, I believe that I will be the first member of my family to graduate.

The Protection classes in Makani have equipped me with the knowledge that I need to take care of myself. I know how to react if I am harassed on the street or if I’m bullied. The facilitators here taught me how to speak up and never hold in my feelings. Because if we don’t look for support for mental health issues, it will become like a poison inside us.

They always tell us – things always change, the future will be better.

One of my favourite things to do in Makani is the computer course. I think my first class was the second biggest shock in my life because I had never had access to technology before. My family don’t even own smartphones. But this shock was a pleasant one. I was immediately hooked to this computer because it was a window to the world. It gave me an escape from my life as a refugee and made me think I can do anything. I can research anything for school and have fun exploring new ideas and hobbies. I saw a video on pottery making and I hope someday I can access such equipment.

Makani means the world to me. Without it, I would not have made it this far. I not only passed Grade Nine, even though some people thought I would fail, but I excelled. I was among the highest achievers in my school, scoring 97.6 per cent, which left those who doubted me completely speechless!

Makani has changed me as a person. I am so different to how I was two years ago. I am smarter, more confident and at the top of my class. My parents are so proud of me and they have greater trust in me because of how much stronger I am. They now believe that I am capable and can protect myself.

I want to go to university and study journalism because I want to be a voice for others. For example, this camp is full of people with amazing talents and skills but they have no opportunity to shine.  I want to shine a spotlight on their potential so that their abilities can be put to good use.

Makani is the ember that holds the spark of children’s hopes and dreams. It should never be extinguished because, if it does, an entire generation will lose more than just their childhood but their future. I know that for a fact because this place has given me hope, a purpose and a chance to achieve my dreams.

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UNICEF supports 114 Makani centres in refugee camps and the host community in Jordan. The programme is generously supported by The Abdulla Al Ghurair Foundation for Education, the Government of Canada, the European Union, the Government of Germany, through KfW, the Korea International Cooperation Agency (KOICA) and the United States Government.