How to support children with the loss of a loved one
Tips for parents and caregivers to support a grieving child
Countless children in South Asia have lost loved ones and parents during the COVID-19 pandemic. And if children have never been exposed to death before, facing loss for the first time can be as confusing as it is upsetting.
There is no ‘correct’ way to grieve, and no specific stages in which different emotions or behaviours should appear.
A child’s reaction to the death of a loved one will vary depending on their age, intellectual ability, previous life experiences and relationship with the person who passed away.
Children under the age of 5
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Often don’t understand that death is permanent
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May ask if the person who has died is coming back
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May become clingier with their caregivers
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May show some regressive behaviours like wetting the bed. (Regressive behaviours are very common and will usually stop over time.)
Children aged 6 to 11
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Start to understand that death is forever
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May worry that other loved ones will die
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May ask questions and want to understand what happened
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May show their grief through anger
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May experience physical aches or pains.
Children and teenagers aged 12 and older
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Can understand that death is irreversible and happens to everyone, including themselves
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Are often interested in understanding why things happen
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Will have varied reactions that can include apathy, anger, and extreme sadness
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May be unable to concentrate.
Here are some ways you can support children through their grief:
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Involve children in mourning in any way you find appropriate, and that they feel comfortable with. Mourning helps children come to terms with the death of their loved one, celebrate their life and say goodbye.
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Hold a commemoration to celebrate the person and their importance to all of you.
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Find ways for your child to connect to, and show their love for, the person who has passed away. For example, painting a picture or writing a song, letter or poem.
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If your family is a member of a particular faith, you could contact your spiritual leader for support in explaining the death and providing comfort to you all.
Here’s how you can help children feel better and protect their mental health:
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Make sure they are getting loving and consistent care (from you, a parent, relative or carer who they trust and know well).
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Keep life routines and structure as much as you can, with time in the day for activities like schoolwork, exercise and play.
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Make sure other children in your child’s life know about what has happened, through their teachers or parents, so that they can support your child on their return to school.
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Help infants and young children feel secure and loved through singing, cuddling and rocking.
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If children’s behaviour becomes challenging or regressive, do not punish them. It’s their way of showing what they cannot verbalize.
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Take care of your own physical and mental well-being. You cannot help your child if you are unwell. Get sufficient sleep, eat properly, exercise, take time to relax (for example by listening to music), avoid alcohol and drugs and have someone who you can turn to for emotional support.
>> More information on talking to your child about the death of a loved one
>> More information on how parents can support their child through COVID-19 losses
