Redefining roles for the sake of children: couples from Kayanza share their stories
With support from UNICEF, families in Kayanza are breaking gender stereotypes by embracing parenting practices based on dialogue, respect and shared responsibilities, creating a more harmonious environment for their children’s development
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It is just before 9 a.m. as we drive through the bustling centre of Kayanza. At this early hour, the streets are busy: motorbikes, bicycles, cars and pedestrians mingle in the morning hubbub, while the markets open and shops spring into action. Gradually, as we leave the main roads behind, the noise of the city subsides. We arrive in Musave, one of the hills that make up the town of Kayanza.
Our first visit takes us to Barnabé and Yvonne, a couple who have been married for eight years and are parents to two young boys. When we arrive, we receive a warm welcome as Barnabé is bathing their son while Yvonne washes clothes nearby. The scene, peaceful and natural, reflects a profound transformation of their daily life. In the past, this kind of task would have been unthinkable for Barnabé. He admits openly: “Before, I couldn't wash my children's or my wife's clothes, sweep or cook. It was inconceivable for me, as a man,” he confides.
This mindset change was achieved thanks to training provided as part of a UNICEF-supported project supported in partnership with the Association of Repatriated Women of Burundi (AFRABU). The project aims to strengthen capacity of couples with children under the age of five to adopt behaviours that support child development by promoting positive gender norms and equitable access to primary health care.
These sessions had a significant impact on Barnabé's view of men’s role in the home. “Nowadays, I get my son ready in the morning while my wife makes breakfast, and I take him to school. I'm no longer ashamed to cook or do the laundry. We share all the tasks,” he explains proudly.
Yvonne enthusiastically confirms this change: “Before, I would come home from work with the full burden of household chores still on my shoulders. Today, we work hand in hand, and that changes everything.” This new balance also has tangible effects on the children's well-being: they are now bathed more regularly, their clothes are clean, and their overall hygiene has improved significantly thanks to Barnabé's active involvement.
Despite some neighbours and friends making fun of them, some going so far as to accuse Yvonne of having ‘bewitched’ her husband, the couple remains resolutely committed. For them, sharing responsibilities is a source of family fulfilment and development.
From drinking to dialogue: a father’s choice
After an enriching visit with Barnabé and Yvonne, we head to Désiré and Anita's home, where another story of transformation awaits us. Here, the change goes beyond sharing domestic tasks; it touches on deeper wounds from the past, silences, and the rebuilding of a once-fragile family bond.
In the courtyard, the couple sorts beans, side by side. A simple gesture, but one that is full of meaning. Their exchanges reveal a renewed sense of respect, a discreet but sincere tenderness. Their daughter, nestled in her father's arms, smiles peacefully, as if carried away by the harmony and complicity that reigns within the home.
Désiré is not afraid to admit his past: alcoholic, absent, uninterested in his family's affairs. “I always came home late; I didn't talk to my wife or my daughter. I spent all my money on alcohol,” he confides sincerely. His wife recalls a particularly revealing episode from the time when Désiré still felt trapped by traditional roles. “One day, our daughter fell ill, and I wasn't at home. Instead of taking her to the hospital, he preferred to wait for me for hours, convinced that it wasn't his job to do so.”
The turning point came during the training sessions organised as part of the project. Listening to the testimonies of other fathers, he realised that he could change. “I decided to take control of my life. Today, I cook, look after my daughter and I take my wife's advice,” he says proudly.
Since then, Anita has noticed a profound change: Désiré has become more committed, he takes the initiative and involves her in every important decision. This change is also reflected in the management of family expenses: a larger portion of the budget is now dedicated to feeding their daughter. “She eats better than before and you can see it in her health,” she says proudly.
Together, Désiré and Anita deliver a powerful message: without dialogue and shared responsibility, the family weakens. Despite the mockery from some of their former drinking companions, the couple remains steadfast. Désiré, now confident in his choice, simply replies: “I've changed; you should do the same.”
Twenty years of silence broken
While Barnabé and Yvonne, Désiré and Anita, are still young in their marital journey, sharing experiences marked by the beginnings and daily adjustments of living together, Issa and Aisha's story offers a different perspective. Married for 20 years, they went through a long period of silence and emotional distance where dialogue seemed absent from their daily lives.
Issa thinks back bitterly to a time not so long ago when he would come home very late every night, preferring to watch football with his friends rather than spend time with his family. “I would come home when everyone was already asleep. I didn't see the point in talking to my wife or children,” he confides.
Aisha, for her part, has painful memories of a home marked by silence and distance. It was a time when Issa shared nothing of what he was doing, as if his affairs belonged to a world apart. “There was virtually no dialogue, and everyone lived in their own bubble under the same roof. The children couldn't even talk to their father directly. They always had to go through me.”
It was thanks to the training he received as part of the project that something clicked for Issa. He gradually came to understand that dialogue was not a weakness, but a strength for the couple and the family. “Today, I try to come home early to be with my family. I talk to my wife about all my plans, and her advice has become invaluable to me. I realise that if I had listened to Aisha earlier, I would have avoided many mistakes”, says Issa. He is referring to a project in which he invested a large sum of money without discussing it with his wife; a lack of communication that led to failure.
The stories shared by these three couples illustrate that it is never too early or too late to learn to communicate, share responsibilities and challenge certain inherited norms, for the ultimate benefit of their families and their children. Thanks to the support of UNICEF and its local partners such as AFRABU, these transformations are becoming possible. Encouraged by these positive results, the couples interviewed are calling for this type of project to be expanded nationwide so that more families can serve as models of respect and collaboration, for the benefit of children above all.
