«It is normal to see a psychologist»

There is a reason behind every simple “I don't want to go to school”, “I'm not in the mood”, “I don't care”, and every child will have her/his own reason. A quarrel with a friend, a bad school grade, a conflict in the family. Sometimes it is just tiredness and anxiety.

It is sometimes difficult for children to discuss problems with family members or friends. Psychologists can help in this case.

You can still hear public opinion that seeing a psychologist is tantamount to recognizing yourself as mentally ill, weak, and unable to solve problems on your own. But it's not like that. Seeking help from a psychologist is absolutely normal. Human psyche is also our “body organ” and, like any other, it must be cared for. You can't cure myopia, for example, by willpower, and it's also impossible to get rid of anxiety, depression, or any other psychological issue by snapping your fingers.

Belarus has a well-built system of psychological support for children and adolescents. Many professionals can provide free and confidential counselling. However, still, not everyone knows where to seek help, or people are simply afraid to be helped by a psychologist.

On the occasion of the World Health Day, which is celebrated on April 7 annually, we have talked with Illyana Matvienko, Teacher-Psychologist at the Republican Psychological Assistance Center under the Belarusian State Pedagogical University, Psychologist at the talk2ok.by platform for adolescents, about where psychological support can be obtained in Belarus, whether all children can use it, and why it is very important.

Every request is important

— Unfortunately, while Belarusians have developed the skill to take care of their physical health, the concept of “mental hygiene” remains unfamiliar to many. However, mental health care, especially among adolescents, is the prevention of suicidal behavior, violence and bullying.

A person who cares about her/his psychological well-being can make plans for the future; s/he will be interested to succeed, including professional development.

When a teenager has challenged relationships with parents, peers, issues in understanding herself/himself, the least s/he will be interested in is studying and thinking about her/his future career.

Some teenagers already understand the importance of mental health, and they seek professional help. The needs that are relevant at all times are relationships with parents, conflicts with peers, lack of understanding with teachers, concerns about school grades, romantic relationships. Children begin to feel very exhausted in the middle and at the end of the school year. Teenagers often confuse fatigue with some psychological disorders. Thus, they are even more anxious and wind themselves up. And the child just needs to rest both physically and psychologically.

In my experience, online risks have recently increased due to the active use of Internet technologies. Teenagers’ needs requests are about online security and cyberbullying.

Social media bullying is the most relevant topic in this agenda. Offline bullying flows into an online space. There are fake accounts and publics where a particular person is discussed, and his/her photo collages with unflattering comments are posted. Videos are made in which someone is insulted and called names. You can find out more about cyberbullying and how to cope with it at the MTS / UNICEF project in Belarus: #InternetNoBulling.

Older kids often ask for help when they face grooming. This is a situation where children are lured to share their erotic photos, and then, they are blackmailed with them.

Teenagers come to our center in crises: loss (death) of someone close, violence, self-harming behavior, suicidal risk, bullying situations.

Fears and barriers

— Adolescents are often stopped from contacting a professional by fear of possible consequences: will I be diagnosed? Will they tell anyone about my problems? Will the information be passed on to my school? However, conversations with a psychologist are confidential; no third parties can find out about them.

Teenagers laugh and devalue their psychological challenges sometimes. Some of them confuse going to a psychologist with going to a psychiatrist. However, we should understand that a psychologist deals with healthy people who have faced difficult situations. A psychologist does not prescribe medications or diagnoses, but helps the client build relationships with herself/himself and her/his environment. A psychiatrist is a doctor who cures mental illnesses, including medication-based treatment.

Sometimes there is no trust in a specialist. In my practice, I spend a lot of time breaking negative stereotypes about psychologists and psychological care. I often hear: “they did not help me”, “they read moral teachings”, “they told me everything in such a way that I did not understand anything.”

A specialist may be very competent in some area, but it is among adolescents that s/he will not find a response, because they require a special approach.

Adults often understand what they want from a specialist, what competencies the professional should have (support, coaching). Moreover, adults know that this is a normal situation when you can see several specialists and choose the one who suits you.

None of this is suitable for teenagers. If a psychologist once misunderstands them, teenagers do not want to see any psychologists again. Children/adolescents value the empathy and friendliness of a specialist more than her/his experience and competencies. It all comes down to humanity for them. First, you need to establish contact with teenagers, show that appointments are not about moralizing, that your opinion matters, that you can count on understanding and support.

Parents have their own barriers, too. For example, the stereotype that psychological problems are not really important, that there are other priorities.

Another thing is shame. Shame for the failure of one's role: a parental role or a pedagogical role. Shame for the need to seek psychological aid.

However, parents and psychologists have different objectives, and they are not interchangeable. A parent should love, care for and cherish, educate, support, spend time together, play and read. A psychologist can provide assistance, help overcome difficult life situations, teach how to cope with crisis independently or with the help of a professional. Parents can be great but not competent in child or adolescent psychology. In addition, teenagers often need someone who has a different optic.

Going to a psychologist does not devalue moms and dads as parents. It does not mean they fail to do their job. We are not concerned that we can't cope if we go to the doctor when ill. If clothes are torn, we go to professionals who help you sew a new one or repair them. It is the same with psychologists: they have certain knowledge, skills, competencies and experience that adolescents really need; and contacting psychologists will help teenagers overcome crisis or solve a problem.

Where to go for help

 — Teenagers often don't know where to go for help. We have heard at most that there is a psychological service at school and “some kind of helpline” — I quote — a helpline.

In fact, there are many more help tools. What does the psychological assistance system in Belarus look like?

Let's start with the education system: schools, colleges, universities. All institutions have educational psychologists on their payroll who can provide assistance.

The social and pedagogical service also works with the educational process actors; it operates through social and pedagogical centers (SPCs). Most often, this happens in situations of parent-child relationships, issues of problematic behavior. Both teenagers and their parents can go to the SPC.

The psychological and pedagogical service also operates in the additional education system. For example, the Minsk State Palace for Children and Youth has a City Center for Psychological and Pedagogical Assistance. Boys and girls who attend amateur clubs or sections can go there.

Adolescent Friendly Centers (AFCs) operate in all regions of the country. At the AFC, one can get free and confidential psychological assistance and advice in the form of face-to-face meetings and telephone counseling. The centers are located at children's polyclinics. You can find the addresses of the Centers here.

There is a children's hotline (8-801-100-16-11), where teenagers can seek help around the clock in crises, no matter what issue concerns them.

We also have a dedicated hotline for adolescents at the Republican Psychological Assistance Center. However, it is not 24/7: it operates during working hours only (from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m.). As a rule, our center addresses crises (loss of someone close, violence, bullying, self-harming behavior, suicidal thoughts and intentions) and provides face-to-face psychological aid free of charge. If the need is different, we refer the case to social and pedagogical centers, territorial social service centers, and healthcare institutions.

Belarus has launched the talk2ok.by online platform with the support of UNICEF. This is a good digital psychological assistance tool; its operations are supported by the specialists from the Republican Psychological Assistance Center at the Belarusian State Pedagogical University, where I provide counselling on a par with other psychologists who have been selected and have proven their competences in serving adolescents.

Hotlines allow you to seek help from anywhere in the country, wherever the child is. Support is free and confidential. Adolescents aged 14+ can seek psychological help themselves; adolescents aged under 14 are required to ensure parental consent.