Activity: Different ways to handle conflict

Step 1: Warm up

Ask the adolescents to sit in six small groups and place the marker board where they can see it.

Step 2: Facilitator says

“In one of our previous sessions we talked about conflict, and how it is a natural part of life. What are some negative things that come from conflict? What are some positive things that come from conflict?”
Allow the adolescents to discuss.

Step 3: Facilitator says:

“Today we are going to talk about different strategies for handling conflict, and the different results - positive and negative -they can lead to.”

Step 4

Write the following six strategies on the marker board and carefully explain each one:

• Aggression means trying to force or intimidate someone to do things a certain way. Examples: Physical fighting, yelling, insulting.
• Compromising means that both sides give up a little bit of what they want, to try to find a middle point and solution.
• Giving in means that one person lets the other person have things the way they prefer.
• Avoiding or delaying means pretending there is no problem.
• Appealing to an authority means asking someone in a higher position (such as a leader, a judge, a teacher or another adult) to settle the conflict.
• Collaboration means trying to find a solution together. Collaboration usually includes finding common goals and hopes, listening and understanding each other’s point of view, and suggesting creative ways forward.

Let the adolescents ask questions and help each other to grasp the concepts. Make sure they have a clear and accurate understanding of each strategy.

Step 5

Assign one strategy to each group

Facilitator says:

“Each group is going to organize a role play focusing on one of these strategies. All of you will use the same conflict scenario, about two girls named Amina and Mary. Use your group’s strategy to help Mary to resolve her conflict.”

Conflict scenario: Amina and Mary both have younger brothers and sisters in primary school. Amina promises Mary that she will take Mary’s younger brother home from school that afternoon when she goes to get her younger sister. This would give Mary time to meet with her study group to work on a school project. But when the afternoon comes, Amina tells Mary that she can’t help her after all, because she has to go home early to do her homework.

Step 6

Give all of the groups time to practice and prepare for their role plays. Encourage them to keep their role-plays short so that there is time for discussion afterwards.

Step 7

Give all of the groups time to practice and prepare for their role plays. Encourage them to keep their role-plays short so that there is time for discussion afterwards.

Step 8: Sharing and Take away

Discuss: What were the advantages and disadvantages of each strategy?

Step 9: Explain

There is no one right way to handle conflicts. However, some of the strategies can make conflicts better or worse. For example:

• Aggression can cause harm to people, their lives and their feelings.
• Compromising can result in an agreement that reduces anger and frustration (if both people think it is fair). However, a compromise may not last if neither person is happy with it.
• Giving in means that one person’s voice is not heard. That person may remain frustrated and the conflict could arise again. Also, when one person gives in the other person does not have the chance to learn from their perspective – and may not even realize there was a conflict. Giving in can work well if one person decides that they actually agree with the other person’s point of view (this is also a kind of collaboration).
• Avoiding or delaying also means the conflict is likely to come up again in the future, and may become more difficult over time. However, sometimes a short delay can give both people a chance to cool down and think about solutions.
• Appealing to authority does not give the two people involved in the conflict a chance to be part of the solution or to rebuild their relationship. However, sometimes it can help to ask an authority to step into a conflict if both people are unable to find a solution that works, or if the conflict may lead to harm for either person.
• Collaboration can be a very good way to resolve a conflict because it can lead to a solution that works for both people. When two people collaborate, they can also rebuild trust and good feelings. It can be challenging to collaborate, especially if one person in the conflict doesn’t want to, or if both people don’t trust or feel good about each other.

Step 10

Give the adolescents some Take-Away questions to think about after their session:

• Look at how the different people you see deal with conflict, and which strategies they use. See whether the strategies lead to positive or negative results for the people involved.
• Reflect on the strategies you use in the conflicts in your life. What results do you get?
• Think of a different strategy you would like to use the next time you are in a conflict. (If adolescents are interested, take time in follow-up sessions to reflect on how well they have used that strategy, and what may have changed as a result.)