“I aspire to be a good man unlike my coach”
A young man speaks up about the sexual abuse he experienced as a child.
Trigger warning: Sexual violence
“Since childhood, I loved playing football and visited the football ground often. Thirteen years ago when I was 12, all I wanted was to make it through the selection to the junior national team. During practice, one of the coaches noticed me and I was asked to partake in the selection. I tried my best, but I wasn’t sure if I’d make it, but the coach had shown a lot of interest in me. He invited me over to his place for dinner and a sleepover. My parents had no objections, after all I was only a boy. Later in the middle of the night, I woke up to find the coach holding me inappropriately - a state of shock ran through me. Before things made sense, he’d already penetrated me. The pain and shock stunned me. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind. As the horrible act progressed, I only wished for the night to end and regretted everything that had led to this. At the brink of dawn, I ran home as fast as I could. For months, I couldn’t return to the training. In shock and denial, I tried my best to bury the incident. The love for the game was soon replaced by a feeling of disgust. The worst thing was seeing the face of the man act like nothing happened.
All I wanted was to erase the memory and pretend he never existed. I grew up forgetting about it but it still remained. Whenever I see naked mannequins, I get extremely fearful, and develop migraines and seizures. I could never seek any counseling because no one told me that I can. Over the years, I engaged myself in social work working with young children. They’d share their problems and through vulnerability, found ways to cope with their emotions. This brought back all the buried trauma. I wanted to talk about it, so I gathered courage and told them all about it. I felt free and relieved. My friends supported and empathized with me.
Now, I’m no longer that fearful 12-year-old boy who was ashamed of the fact that his coach raped him. I am stronger. I was finally able to confide in people. I’m no longer running away from my inner child. I aspire to be a good man unlike my coach. I educated myself on the importance of mutual consent. My healing process though late happened eventually. I wish as a child, I knew about sexual abuse and measures to be safe from it. Times have changed now, kids today, at least in urban areas, are more informed and vocal about it.”
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If you, or someone you know, has experienced violence, seek help from the following organisations.
NCWC Woman and Child Helpline: 1098
Royal Bhutan Police: 113
Nazhoen Lamtoen: 1257
RENEW: 17126353
