My father shattered my life - Swazilandby James Hall She is thin, frail and quiet. Her face shows little emotion. Without a word, Thandie manages to communicate that something terrible happened to her. Her thin body is lost in her oversized T-shirt. It is hard to believe that a man could derive sexual pleasure from a girl so frail. Or that a rapist motivated by the desire to dominate could gloat over such a conquest. But the rapist in this case, who shattered this 14-year-old’s life, was no stranger. Thandie’s own father, the man she trusted like life itself, shamelessly attacked his daughter. “I like to collect shells and to play with them. There is no money for toys. My parents didn’t give us Christmas presents. But I got some shells from granny once. I usually ask the Mozambicans to bring me shells from Maputo whenever they go home. The sands there are said to be full of shells. Often they don’t bring any. But sometimes they do. I have one shell given to me by a traditional healer. I don’t spend a lot of time with my shells anymore, after what happened. My father found me playing with my shell on the floor of the sitting room. He sat down, and started asking me about them. He had never shown any interest in my shells before. Some of my shells are big, and others are small. Some are just pieces. But as I told him where each was from, he was looking at me, and not at the shells. Then he touched me. He touched my hair. He told me I was I am pretty. Next he asked if I wanted to make him happy. I was old enough to know about sex, he said. He said we should go to the bedroom where he would explain. He did not speak when we got to the bedroom. He said nothing. The sun had set, but it was not very dark. You could see clearly without a candle. He ordered me to take off my clothes. I did what he told me. But I was confused. He took off his clothes in front of me, and he got into bed. He told me to get in beside him and to keep quiet. He said he would be done in a minute. I did not understand what he was doing. He was on top of me, and it was so hard to breathe. He had sex with me. I was scared. When he was done, he told me to get dressed, and get dinner ready. I always cook because my mother is away a lot at the nurse’s college. My father has another wife. I am the only child of my mother. I left the bedroom and went to cook. My father ate his food in silence. Then he left. I bathed and went to bed. I was awoken by my mother’s shouting. I was frightened, and I remained in my bed. She came into my room. She had a candle, so I could see her face. She looked upset. Her bed was stained, she said. My father had not changed the sheets. My mother asked me what had happened, but I still did not understand fully what had happened, so I said nothing. She asked me if my father had brought another woman home. “No, it was me”, I replied. At the clinic the next day, the doctor said I had been raped. My mother was so upset. The other nurses spoke with her and it was decided a crime had been committed and the police had to be called in. I never saw my father again after that. When I ask about him, my mother refuses to talk about him. She pleads with me never to mention his name. My mother and I live like we did before. The only difference is that my father does not come around any more. I am sad because I no longer have a father. I told this to Janice, the counsellor who did the tests to see if I was pregnant or had got HIV from my father. Fortunately, I am okay though Janice says what my father did was like killing me. I do not think he wanted to kill me. I can’t discuss father with my mother. So I asked Janice why a father would want to kill his child, but she too didn’t have an answer.”
|
