Losing Face
Written by Zyle Hasani, Project Monitor of Women’s Literacy Programme, Acareva village, Drenas/Drenica region
“In traditional places, new habits don’t succeed” (in Albanian: n’vende t’vjetra, adete t’reja sqiten), repeats Naim Kabashi from the village of Apterusha in Rahovec/Orahovac an often-heard local saying by way of explaining the persistence of traditional views defining the position of women in society. In policy circles and cafés in Prishtinë/Priština, rural realities shaped by traditional views on gender roles are generally dismissed as a ‘thing of the past’. But the lives of women like Shemsije Brahimi are the reality of rural women today.
Shemsije Brahimi, 36 year-old, lives in an extended farm household in Acareva. The household is organised according to traditional, patriarchal principles, with several brothers living under one roof together with their parents, wives and children. Traditional households are run as single economic units with one common budget and shared resources. The head of the household (in Albanian zoti i shtëpisë), usually the eldest male in the family, takes all decisions. He delegates and organises all work and most importantly, he controls the household budget and takes the final decision whether a woman is allowed to continue her education or seek employment out of the home.
Women, who like Shemsije Brahimi married into the family, are fully dependent on decisions made by the head of the household. ‘If I want to visit my family, I must ask my brother-in-law, not my husband, because he is the “zoti i shtëpisë”, explains Brahimi, ‘he must know if one of the brides are absent so he can organise the household chores’. The lives of daughter-in-laws like Brahimi follow a strict daily routine of household chores, farm work and childrearing responsibilities. Every morning, the women of the household prepare nine loaves of bread and five pies (in Albanian pite - a quiche-like dish). Since there is no running water, the women need to carry buckets of water from an outside well to fill the laundry machine. Electricity is rare, so often clothes need to be washed by hand. ‘Ever since I married at the age of 16, I cooked and worked for 50 members of my husband’s family. Now, since the family has been separated into two homes, I do the same for 25 members. I think its enough now; I’ve had a life of cooking and cleaning’, Shemsije told the project monitor.
Shemsije’s husband Elez Brahimi works as a primary school teacher at the local school in Acareva. Their daughter, 16 year-old Lavdije finished only primary school, while her older brother went on to secondary school in Skenderaj/Srbica. The father’s salary of 180 Euro is thus enough to pay for the son’s, but not the daughter’s education. Besides costs, the real reasons for Lavdije to stop school after primary school are the distance and unreliable transportation and the fact that she is a girl. Today, Lavdije spends her days at home waiting, as her mother explained, for a man to ask for her hand (in Albanian msiti me kerku doren). Why invest in the education of a woman who will marry and stay home anyways, is a question one often hears!
